From Fear to Joy
Personal Story
The bell rang.
The sound of the pages flipping while closing the textbooks, happy smirks, and low-key ‘Yay’ made our teacher smile a bit too. I happened to catch a glance at her. I could sense that she would miss us.
Freshman year was over.
With promises to stay in touch, we filled our yearbooks. Parties would happen. Initially, some friends would meet. After a point, I felt less and less connected.
I could not believe my eyes. I checked their profiles and could not believe my eyes. I checked the date and spoke to her. She was there. Why would she not care to inform or invite me?
What had I done wrong?! Why was I not invited?!
Slowly it became a pattern. Apart from my best friend, I had lost touch with every other person. My best friend was not from school. She lives right next to my building. She knew how devastated I was to find out that nobody was keen on staying in touch with me. She had a different theory. Nonetheless, she would patiently listen to me and try to lighten my mood.
We would go out and catch up on movies. But the more I thought about it, the more it engulfed me. The feeling of not being wanted. The feeling of not being critical enough.
I am not enough.
These words kept ringing out loud in my head. So much so that I would be stressed the entire day, scrolling away on social media and feeling envious of everything good that was happening in the life of my school friends.
Yes, I felt that I was missing out. FOMO - had hit hard.
But my best friend did not give up on me. Sneakily, she and my parents sought help for my deteriorating mental health condition, and with a lot of support, love, and persistence, I got to the other side of FOMO. It took a lot of effort. And I resisted help in a big way. Because help can only make sense if you are open to receiving it.
But slowly, I tuned back in. I let my resistance down. I was very lucky to have a support system so strong and kind. I could finally differentiate between what was important to me versus what was happening in others' lives.
And believe me, when I say this, it has made a world of difference.
But having overcome this dreaded feeling of missing out and not being wanted, I know that staying with is not at all a pleasant feeling.
It breaks your confidence. Shatters your self-esteem.
And if you are someone who recognizes the issue and wants to break free of it, let me give you some pointers to cross through to a completely different side - JOMO - the joy of missing out!
FOMO exists permanently - Accept it!
Had there been an application to be easily downloaded from a store, we would have felt so relieved. But the truth that I have come to accept is that FOMO never really disappears. It has to be managed.
Because with so many choices to make, we will always be letting go of some other things. But what we choose will stay with us. We create space and time for it. We value it. We become more mindful.
The Collins Dictionary defines JOMO as the “pleasure gained from enjoying one’s current activities without worrying that other people are leading more fulfilled lives.”
(Interesting, isn’t it?)
Bye-Bye Comparison
We, as human beings, have this deep and strange urge to compare. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. We are never happy or content with what we have. This does not mean one should not aspire for bigger things. But one should aspire for things aligned with their goals and lifestyle. Not their friends. Or relatives’.
This tends to happen more in a social setting. Better grades, relationships, admission into a more prominent college, a bigger house, better clothes, etc. The list can go on and on. You tend to notice what you miss more than what you already have. So, turn away from these thoughts. You will never have enough. Nobody can. Better, start focussing on things that make you feel good about yourself. That makes you happy.